Tortuga
by Mother Nature's Daughter
Summary: Yet another pointless oneshot from me. Jack stops in Tortuga between voyages and has a little fun. Songfic to 'I love this bar.'


21, Nov., 2007

**Author's Note: **Oh, not another one of _these_... A dreadful fic from my first attempts at writing. Beware the grammar and other writer's nightmares, my friends!

**Disclaimer: **"I Love this Bar" lyrics property of Toby Keith. Everything else: Disney.

* * *

_Tortuga_

Breaks between their voyages were always wonderful. Captain Jack Sparrow loved being out on the _Pearl_; but he never had anything against going into Tortuga for a night. But then, with the rum, girls, and fighting, what self-respecting pirate would?

Swaggering into the bar alone, Jack took a seat at the counter. From the seat next to him, wanna-be pirate stood up and drew his sword; Jack saw no reason to, other than that the man was drunk. Leaving his rum bottle behind, he staggered into the crowd, sword swinging.

Jack eyed the nearly full bottle of liquid next to him. Then he eyes the man, quickly disappearing in the crowd. His gaze went back to the rum bottle. Back to the man. Back to the bottle.

He had his own rum with him; but why waste _his_ rum when he can easily get _another's _rum? He reached out and clasped his hand on the bottle. Drawing it up to his lips, he smirked victoriously before taking a large swig.

Over the rim of the bottle he looked around him.

_We got winners, we got losers,  
Chain smokers and boozers.  
And we got yuppies, we got bikers,_

_Thirsty hitchhikers.  
And the girls next door dress up like movie stars._

_Hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar._

Lowering the empty bottle, Jack smiled to himself. He pushed himself up from his seat and walked into the center of the room. There in the corner he saw a pirate and a girl getting a little…personal… In another corner he noted a few pirates toasting to something. And directly in front of him, he watched a pirate draw his sword and challenge the drunken man whose rum Jack had stolen.

_Whoosh!_

A dagger flew inches above Jack's head and pinned his hat to the wall. He drew his sword as he turned to face the boy who dare touch his hat.

The man swaggered up to him and Jack got a closer look. The man was young and his face cleanly shaven. Definitely not a pirate. His hair was scruffy and blond. He tipped and tilted; trying to balance his sword.

Jack smiled and showed his gold teeth. The boy couldn't even hold a sword, yet alone fight with one. This would be as easy for him as stealing the rum was for the monkey. Jack went closer to the boy and slid his sword up and down his.

"You think this wise boy? Crossing blades with a pirate?"

_We got cowboys, we got truckers;  
Broken-hearted fools and suckers.  
And we got hustlers, we got fighters,  
Early birds and all-nighters.  
And the veterans talk about their battle scars._

_Hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar._

Sword hitting sword was a familiar sound to Jack, and he welcomed it wholly. It was a great pleasure to have a good scuffle now and then.

He backed up, letting the pirate come closer to him. Thinking he was winning, the drunk let down his guard and Jack closed in. He advanced on the boy and with a swift tilt of his sword, he flung his opponent's sword across the room, where it stuck itself into the wall.

Unarmed and weaponless, the boy startled and scrambled away when he saw Jack smirk and raise his sword.

Disappointed the fight had ended so soon, Jack swaggered his way over to the for some rum. No sooner had he took a drink, then his first mate, Gibbs, entered the bar and took a seat next to him.

_I love this bar;  
it's my kind of place.  
Just walkin' through the front door,  
Puts a big smile on my face.  
It ain't too far, come as you are_

_Hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar._

"'Ello Jack." Gibbs slurred, taking a drink of his own rum.

Jack nodded and raised his glass in greeting. Flashing his gold teeth again, he grinned at his first mate's drunken state.

_I've seen short skirts, we got high-techs.  
Blue-collar boys and rednecks;  
And we got lovers, lots of lookers.  
And I've even seen dancing girls and hookers.  
And we like to drink our beer (or rum) from a Mason jar._

_Hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar  
Yes I do_

The pirates around Gibbs and Jack raised their glasses in another toast. The slurred something that couldn't be understood and Gibbs raised his glass as well.

Shrugging, Jack decided to do the same. He raised his glass and called out, "To rum; the cause of, and solution to, all life's problems."

"Amen!"

"I'll toast to that!"

Other murmurs of agreement were heard through the crowd as Jack finished his second…or was it his third?…bottle of rum.

_I like my truck (I like my truck.)  
I like my girlfriend (I like my girlfriend;)  
I like to take her out to dinner.  
I like a movie now and then_.

A woman he didn't recognize came up to him and smiled flirtatiously. Her top was a little too low-cut and therefore she was…losing…some things.

Jack was too drunk to care. He raised his eyebrows and pretended to think about it. He stroked his chin and went down his beard. Curling the hair around his finger he tried to lower his hand down to the bar.

He pulled. It didn't budge, only pulled at the roots of his beard.

Ok, so his ring had gotten stuck. He unwrapped his finger and was glad we he saw that the woman was still there and had apparently not noticed his little mishap.

Jack smiled at her and raised his hand in a silent signal for the barmaid. She nodded and brought another glass over to him.

The woman thanked him for the drank with a long kiss. Jack returned it and allowed her hands to travel his chest.

_But I love this bar;  
Its my kind of place  
Just strollin' around the dance floor,  
Puts a big smile on my face.  
No cover charge, come as you are._

_Hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar.  
Hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar._

Jack had decided that there was not one good reason to defy the woman –who was throwing herself at him- what she wanted. So, instead of leaving that night, as he had thought he would; he delayed their departure one more night.

Waking up before the girl did, Jack climbed out of the bed swiftly and silently. He dressed himself quickly and smiled as he remembered last night. Tortuga never ceased to disappoint him.

_Hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar  
Play it on out boys  
Beer-thirty's over  
Got to take it on home_

Finding a sober Gibbs and the rest of his crew already aboard the Pearl, Jack left port immediately. While Jack had been out having some fun, the crew had loaded up on the necessary supplies they would need for their next voyage. Specifically, rum.

Standing at the helm with the wind blowing his dreadlocked hair was one of the best feelings Jack had ever experienced. He stroked the wheel of the his ship affectionately. He stared out at the horizon and a smile appeared on his lips.

To Jack, being out here was the best place to be.

Not even Tortuga –wonderful as it was- could be it.

_Hmm, hmm, hmm I love this bar…_

_I just love it…_


End file.
